Friday, October 15, 2010

It's quiet in here...

I miss so many things about you. Right now I miss hearing you purring. You weren't ever much into the meowing thing....which I might add, I am very grateful.  I did like our little chats though.  Like when I came home after being away or if I had been at work. You would sit
downstairs...."meeeeeeeeoow?"  That was it.  One big dramatic, gut-wretching "where the hell are you now??" meow.    I would call out "Sister Margaret!"  And then we would just go back and forth like we were playing Marco Polo.
The other day I caught myself turning on the vacuum and looking around quick to see where you are....making sure not to scare the bejesus out of you.  What was it about that thing?  Lord, you did give that poor Bissell the stink eye, Sister. You would just look at me from behind a pillow on the bed with your ears flat, eyes fully dilated like I had a grizzly bear in the house.
 The hardest part for me right now seems to be going to bed at night. Or trying to.  I will do anything under the Sun not to have to go to bed. It just reminds me you are not here.  We had such a sweet routine at night. I would whistle, and then you would jump up on the bed and start purring.  I'm so used to you crawling across me, moving those paws so slowly like I was made of land mines. So tentative, and cautious.  Like you wouldn't for one minute want to hurt me.  You would walk across my stomach until you landed on my chest, laid down,  and then you just stared into my eyes. Your eyes would be half open and you would go into this beautiful meditative state.  That's when the purring would commence.  It was like my own personal sound machine....."I love you. I love you. I love you."  I know that's what you were saying to me.   That's the thing that kills me the is so quiet in here.  I am so used to whistling and you crawling up into my lap. You would start purring....and that just made me smile every time. 
I miss just knowing you are here too.  I could look across the room and you would just be looking at me.  Sometimes the look was somewhat like you are the "Queen" of this house, and I should be oh so grateful to serve you.  Much like that picture of you sitting in your chair... you were so beautiful sitting in the Sun that day.  Other times, you would just remind me, that yes, I was your best friend.  That happened more often than not.
I miss you, my sweet friend. Fourteen years is a long time.  
You traveled cross country with me.  Moved more times than I care to actually print.  Put up with a 100-lb yellow lab.   You were always my welcome home committee. I loved coming home and picking you up and feeling your paws on my face... Mostly you were best at loving me.  I am so grateful that I had you in my life, Zoe.   I will always love you, Sister Margaret.